A High Hope for a Low Heaven S2, Ep6
Before I run this thang back, here’s a little Empire Math for you.
Fantasia + Pam (from the group Total) = Who?
- This episode opened with Hakeem being snatched from the SUV and taken into a warehouse where he was assaulted by the goons who kidnapped him. He’d come out of his blindfold in time to notice an identical, distinguishing tattoo on their upper backs.
- Then… We saw Becky doin’ the grown-folks. I’ma stop there.
- Jamal was killing a ballad in the studio while Lucious played the piano. It was apparent that he was in his feelings about Michael getting head from the creepy photographer, even though Jamal had turned down the same advance prior. Bless his heart. “Dora” let ol’ boy do some explorin’. He did it! Hooray!!
- Sidebar: Terrence sounds ri-friggin’-diculous trying to talk like he’s so hood. He called himself schooling Cookie on the way of the streets while they waited for Hakeem to get dropped off to them. But I thought Cookie was in those streets, too. No? Never mind.
- So… The goons let Hakeem go. Lucious and Cookie awaited his arrival at the designated spot, but when they opened the door to the SUV, he wasn’t in there. The driver said Hakeem wanted to be let out elsewhere. Turns out, he went to Anika’s house. She was immediately concerned when she saw his bloodied face and asked what happened. He responded by speaking in tongues. He damn near swallowed her lips, making out with her outside of her door. Because everybody wants to go have sex once they are released by their kidnappers. Immediately. (They have one more episode to reveal to me that he was raped before I put my BULLSHIT stamp on that part of the storyline. That would be the only way it would make sense to me. He needed to bang a woman to feel like a man again.)
- Lucious had a doctor waiting for Hakeem at the house. He wanted him to be examined to make sure his injuries weren’t severe. Apparently things were all good according to the doctor, but I want to know where he got his degree. Why? Because while Hakeem was in rehearsal with Niño del Destino (the Latina Destiny’s Child), the music sounded distorted to him and he was dizzy and whatnot. And irritable. Certified Athletic Trainer Portia (me) diagnosed him with a concussion. Perhaps Dr. Basic didn’t have a pen light on him to check Hakeem’s pupils and such.
- Andre interviewed the artists for Gutter Life. He wanted to know who he was working with. He was impressed with Job, who was a PK – hence his name. Shockingly, he knew his bible, too! Andre urged him to incorporate some of that good word into his lyrics to reach people in a good Christian way. Job took his advice and spit some verses – bible verses – during his performance. Lucious was livid.
- Laz convinced Cookie that she should hire the dudes who kidnapped Hakeem as security. For why????? Anyway, she and Hakeem went to the warehouse to discuss the deal with them. Um… I never thought it was a good idea to take him. Anyway… Surprise! He pulled out a gun on the goons, but he looked like a scared little boy holding his daddy’s pistol. I was like Miss me with that, Hakeem. You ain’t about that life.
- Cookie convinced Hakeem to put the pistol down just when one of the opposing parties was reaching for theirs. BUT, she pointed it at them. Honestly, I don’t remember what became of that scene because I’m 99.88888999% sure that I blacked out momentarily from WTFisthis-itis.
- Read of the night: “I didn’t put you in charge. I put you in place.” – Lucious to Andre after he said he could do what he wanted with Gutter Life Records.
- Lucious has a problem with church and Christians and anything related to God, but his club is called:
- Lucious offered a track to Hakeem in an effort to woo him back to Empire. He said he’d written/produced it just for him. The hook: “Boom boom boom boom. Bang bang bang bang.” IMO, it sounded like a gangsta Sesame Street song, one of those arena-produced cheers at an NBA game, or something of the like. But hey, nobody asked me. Hakeem was hell-no about it and Lucious was pissed. Later offered the same track to Freda, saying he’d written it just for her. All I kept thinking was, This dude is channeling In Living Color like a mug! “Wrote a song about it. Wanna hear it? Here it go.”
- It was time for Niño del Destino to perform. When Hakeem was supposed to spit his verse, though, nothing came out. Lucious’ evil ass looked on from the audience with a smirk, happy that his son was struggling. It made sense that he was struggling because: concussion. But nope. The lead singer saved him by singing more and staring into his eyes. Finally, he miraculously could hear the music clearly and flow without missing a beat. Give that girl a halo, because she is heaven-sent! Her voice cures concussions!!! Lemme find out she’s gon’ turn apple juice into Hennessy next week.
- Back at Hakeem’s spot, Anika showed up unannounced. Hakeem had an apartment full of ladies, with Lead Singer Chick looking quite interested. Hakeem played her like she was a delivery person with the wrong address. She said she was just checking on him. She was worried because she hadn’t heard anything from him since they had release-sex. He was all, I’m straight. Good lookin’ out. Though she played it off, her lil’ feelings were hurt. Poor Anika STAYS losing.
- Cookie showed up at Laz’s door so she could get some. He hiked her up on the table while they kissed and came out of his shirt. What did we see???? The same gawtdamn tattoo that the goons have. He’s one of them! Cookie, you gots ta be more careful!
- Empire Math Answer:
Fantasia + Pam…
- Miss Freda is quite sensitive for her to be so “hard.” (Like, why did she kick heckler dude in the chest? Or was it his neck? Face?) Sigh…
- I want someone to teach Terrence how to ride a beat for the sake of this show. I don’t know how many more raps I can hear him perform the way he does.
- I expect a little more from Cookie in the street smarts department. Hmmm…
- Where was Attorney Easter Suit during all of this?