Jesus, be a Hall Pass Snatcher

Somewhere, K. Michelle is shaking her head and sipping Jack Daniels Tennessee Honey with a smirk.

k michelle

Let’s run this briefly.

Toya Wright and husband Mickey “Memphitz “ Wright apparently have an agreement. Watch here. She gives him eight days out of the year to pretend he’s single and bone whoever he pleases – no questions asked. She, however, must keep it tight at home. She doesn’t even get one hall pass. My first thought when I heard this? You shittin’ ME! If my husband gets a hall pass, we both gon’ be roamin’ around that bish. Or he can take the hall and I’ll stay where I am. You know that milkshake brings the boytoyamemphs to the yard anyway. For real, though, I’m lost. Is Ms. Toya’s self-esteem depleted? What would make her agree to this? I have so many questions.

  • How does he account for these days? Does he Periscope his shenanigans for her? Is there an affair-counting fairy who resides in his drawz and reports back? Does he have a counter implanted in his peen? Does she go along with him and watch?
  • Why doesn’t she get the same deal? Orgasms are important to women, too. Variety can be as well. The problem is that many men believe their d-word is the best we’ve ever had and that we would never enjoy another. (LIES.) How dare she want another dick in her life! Or maybe he’s using the reasoning that men aren’t made to be faithful creatures. They’re carnal beings and all that chauvinist nonsense. But remember fellas, woman was made in man’s image.
  • Is she still getting hers on the slick? Women rarely go around bragging; but when it comes to this unfaithfulness game in general, anything men can do, we can do better. We’re notorious for getting some side-lovin’ without our man suspecting a thing. Lemme find out Toya has a secret, all-access hall pass. Lemme find out she’s using bathroom breaks as hall passes (like I sometimes did in high school when my pager went off and I needed to call my boyfriend back). When there’s a will, there’s a way, damnit. Never forget that, gentlemen.
  • Why tolerate the nonsense? I was married. I’m now divorced. He cheated. Here’s my thing. I got married because I thought the game was over. We vowed to not share our private parts with anybody else and to love, honor, and cherish each other. All that shit was voluntary. Once I realized he was still doing his thing, I was like, “Hold up! I’m over here turning away interested parties (because: married) and you’re acting like I don’t exist? No, sir!” Don’t look your significant other in the face and lie. If you feel a hall pass is necessary, there’s this thing called writing your own vows. If that request is something you truly stand behind, you shouldn’t feel embarrassed saying, “I vow to love you, but eight days out of every year, I need to get some outside cat,” in front of Pastah, friends, and family. The game is for single people or couples who are cool with swapping and such. Apparently that’s not the case here since they are on the show. At the end of the day, their marriage is not my concern. When Toya’s had enough, she’ll leave. (This is me having faith that she’s not stupid and is just sorting this shit out mentally and financially before she makes her move.) I just hope she does what’s best for her.

I guess I’ll get more insight into this fuckery tonight. Season 2 of Untying the Knot premieres on Bravo at 10 PM, EST

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