More Peaches, More Problems: RHOA is back!

RHOA S8, Ep1

Kandi

  • After giving their best effort using the traditional route, Kandi and Todd decided to use IVF to see if she could get pregnant. Welp! She can! She is pregnant! (Unless you’ve lived under a rock, you already knew this before this episode.) We got to peek in on a doctor visit when she was getting an ultrasound. The doctor told her the baby looked healthy but she needs to lessen her workload b/c she’s over 35 and has had issues with fibroids. Though they didn’t know the sex of the baby during the taping, Todd proudly tweeted that it’s a boy while the show aired. Go #teamTucker
  • While cleaning out the garage (where Apollo’s motorcycles are), Todd said Apollo claims Phaedra doesn’t answer the phone when he calls and doesn’t bring the boys to see him. And… Uh oh! Phaedra never ran Todd his coins for the donkey booty video – not all of them. He strongly suggested that Kandi have a chat with her ex-homie and call it out because that’s shady. For him, it’s not about the money. It’s the principle.

Phaedra

  • Porsha came to visit her, looking like a self-proclaimed Teletubby with all that junk in the trunk. Phaedra told her that she corresponds with Apollo quite frequently, sending postcards when they travel (Is that shade?) and writing letters and whatnot. THIS Portia didn’t believe her. Maybe that Porsha did.
  • Phaedra now wants to file for divorce – for real, for real this time. Umkay.

Porsha

  • She told Phaedra she’s dating a 24 y/o. Turns out his name is Duke and he’s a safety for the Buffalo Bills. He speaks like he’s eighteen and afraid to talk in front of anyone besides his mama ‘nem. (From what I understand, they aren’t together anymore, but we’ll pretend like we don’t know that.)
  • She said he really wants to get to know her and her personality, but he was tryna take her down on the couch a few minutes after his arrival at her apartment. I’m pretty sure she’d said they hadn’t had sex when she was telling Phaedra about him, but he sho’ acted like he’d been acquainted with her private parts before. Maybe it was in a past life. Maybe that scene took place waaaay after her conversation took place with Phaedra. Because: editing.
  • She was proud of herself for having a tray of fruit prepared. You know, she was setting the mood and such. However, she had to teach him how to keep it sexy and feed her the fruit instead of feeding himself. Because: Baby boy. She also had a gift for him. A v-neck shirt. Oh. Anyway, my first thought was: Sugar Mama. I mean, did we miss the part when he pulled a gift from his backpack for her?

Cynthia

  • The video!! Yesssss!!!
  • Cynthia was not feelin’ that shit. When Peter came home and tried to kiss her, she Matrixed that ass and dodged his lips like they would poison her and take her to the King.

MATRIX

  • Peter didn’t see the problem with the video, of course. He brushed it off, saying she wasn’t tryin’ to fuck him and he’s not tryin’ to fuck her. She was just a friend and it looked like he touched her boob because the video was slowed down.

mariah-side-eye-again

  • Cynthia wasn’t goin’ for that. Peter kept rolling his eyes and twisting his lips, still trying to dismiss her concerns. When he stood up and tried to walk away like FTS, Cynthia hit him with, “Sit down! You don’t get to wrap this up.” YAAAASSSSS!!!! Peter got to wipin’ that bald head with his hankie or napkin or whatever, baby, because those nerves were bad. They should’ve been. And STILL should be.
  • Mal came to visit. Cynthia asked her if she thought Peter was cheating on her. Mal didn’t mince words. “Yes!” Oop. During the conversation, Cynthia answered her sis’s question of whether she’s physically attracted to him. Her answer: “No.” I was all…

Popcorn-GIF-miley-cyrus-hannah-montana-gif

  • She’s attracted to his mind, though. (Maybe she was attracted to his neck-grabbing skills, too? Did he pull that move on her in the club? Is that how they met?)
  • At her eyewear launch party: The ladies agreed this was a welcomed distraction for po’ Cynthia, and Cynthia welcomed the opportunity to focus on her professional life rather than her personal fuckery.
    • Porsha wore a dress with coin purses as pockets.
    • Marlo showed up wanting free shadesssss. Plural.
    • Peter showed up, joking with Kenya (wrong one) that he was with the girl from the video, which was why he was late. He started acting ornery and came across as very guilty when Kenya told him that wasn’t cool to say.
    • Mal spilled all the tea to the girls (Kandi, Phaedra, Porsha, er’body) about her conversation with Cynthia. So they know about the lack of attraction, even when Peter is nekkid.
    • Cynthia showed up in white and gold, SLAYING. She looked better than many women half her age. Peter looked on like a dumb ass, saying “THAT’S an entrance for your ass.” (Right, but you doin’ the sexy-time choke in the club with your “good friend” and shit.) Oh, and he said that to himself – not her.
    • Sheree showed up. Kenya didn’t hesitate to throw a forest worth of shade about “the house that never was,” and Sheree was ready to turn it into a rain forest. Fortunately/unfortunately, the surrounding ladies prevented her from throwing the drink on Kenya.

Kenya

  • Okay. She’s living in Buckhead… 500 feet from Sheree. She and Cynthia actually stopped at Sheree’s house and looked from the road, and it was coming along nicely. (It’s been years, so I was glad to see it didn’t look like it did when Iyanla was tryna fix her life.)
  • But hold up. Her place is a total eyesore – a foreclosure that is a complete do-over. Like, she told Cynthia she had to use her imagination before they walked in. I mean, there were wires hanging, KEEP OUT signs, and such. Until it is “flipped” and livable, she needs to keep her jokes about Sheree’s coins and the house-shade to herself. I will admit that “Chateau She Can’t Pay” and “Chateau Charade” were hilarious as hell, though!

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